Blog Post 2: The Delicate Art of Setting Boundaries in Complex Relationships

The Unique Challenge In families with volatile or inconsistent dynamics, members often develop survival mechanisms that prioritize coping over personal choice. Understanding this context is crucial in recognizing why conventional boundary setting may not be effective.

Boundary Strategies for the Boundary-Averse

1. Shut-Down Phrases: If you're often dragged into conflicts, have a couple of phrases ready to de-escalate. For example, "That was quite a statement," or, "I wonder what you would do if someone said that about you?" This approach removes the focus from their subjective feelings, placing it on their potential actions, which can be a more effective boundary strategy in these scenarios.

2. Silent Boundaries: These are internal shields that protect you without directly confronting the other person. Imagine a force field around you, letting negative comments bounce off. Disengaging silently can be powerful, especially if the other person seeks a dramatic response.

3. Modeling Non-Emotional Responses: For direct confrontations, especially involving children, set clear, emotion-free rules. For instance, "We don't allow negative comments about our child."

Validating Your Feelings It's essential to find ways to process and validate your feelings after these interactions. Whether it's a private moment to cry or a physical activity to release tension, acknowledging your emotions is a critical part of self-care.

Self Compassion Moves:

Butterfly Hug

Tapping

Journaling

Cry Showers

Quick exercises like wall sits/planks

Ice, holding ice or splashing your face with cold water

Drink Water or tea

Text a friend

Acknowledge this sucks, and it’s not your responsibility to fix/change/heal anyone else

Find your choices, it may be as simple as choosing to take a deep breath

Breathing

Feeling your feet on the ground as you walk

Listening to the music your soul needs to hear