Blog Post 3: Beyond Boundaries: Embracing Growth and Grieving the Past
Setting boundaries is often seen as a confrontational process, but it doesn't always have to be. Sometimes, it's about making subtle changes for our well-being, particularly in relationships where direct confrontation may not yield positive changes.
The Myth of Reconciliation as a Healing Barometer
Chasing Apologies and Acknowledgment: It's natural to dream of reconciliation or an apology as a sign of healing. However, making this the measure of our own growth can be misleading and potentially re-traumatizing.
Accepting the Unchangeable: Understand that not every family can undergo a transformative healing process. It's about your growth, not their change.
The Reality of Healing
Grieving the What-Ifs: Allow yourself to grieve for what could have been, both in terms of the other person and your own journey. Healing is often accompanied by pain and loss.
Empowering Yourself Beyond Apologies: Wanting an apology is valid, but relying on the other person's capacity for self-reflection to dictate your healing journey gives them undue power over your well-being.
Subtle Boundaries for Self-Preservation
Non-Confrontational Disengagement: Holding the phone away during a negative rant instead of directly confronting the person.
Choosing Your Battles: Recognizing when to speak up and when to conserve your energy.
Empowering Self-Discovery
Embrace the choices you have in how to react, engage, and distance yourself. This journey is about your healing and self-discovery, independent of others' acknowledgment or apology.
Your choices may seem small and insignificant in the moment, but it’s all the small unseen steps that result in the sustainable change we need.
Holding space for both the growth and the grief is hard, find the things that keep you going and hold onto them. You got this!